Purple Prose Parody

The term "purple prose" is derived from a reference by the Roman poet Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus, 65-8 BCE) who wrote in his Ars Poetica (lines 14-21):

Inceptis grauibus plerumque et magna professis
purpureus, late qui splendeat, unus et alter
adsuitur pannus, cum lucus et ara Dianae
et properantis aquae per amoenos ambitus agros
aut flumen Rhenum aut pluuius describitur arcus;
sed nunc non erat his locus. Et fortasse cupressum
scis simulare; quid hoc, si fractis enatat exspes
nauibus, aere dato qui pingitur

( "Your opening shows great promise, and yet flashy purple patches; as when describing a sacred grove, or the altar of Diana, or a stream meandering through fields, or the river Rhine, or a rainbow; but this was not the place for them. If you can realistically render a cypress tree, would you include one when commissioned to paint a sailor in the midst of a shipwreck?" )


Purpureus meant lustrous or dazzling in Horace's Latin. Purple dye was rare in the Ancient World, with only the wealthiest able to afford it (this is why purple robes and trim came to be associated with the Emperor and, later, European royalty). During the Roman Republic, social climbers would sew purple cloth onto cheaper clothing to give an appearance of wealth. This was regarded as pretentious and gaudy.


It should now be abundantly clear what Purple Prose is all about.. the overuse of flashy little archaic words and phrases which force a reader to become tangled up in them and easily lose sight of what it is the writer is trying to say. Some of them have been so overused that all of us might even be guilty of a little purple now and then. And while this exercise is meant to be humorous and entertaining -- in the end, I hope it sheds a wee bit of light on the engaging art of Creative Writing. Afterall, it is the goal of a writer make the reader lose himself in the story so completely.. that he forgets he is reading mere words. Rather than make our reader stumble over bizarre words and phrase choices so much that the entire gist of the story seems a blur, at best.


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Challenge

Rewrite the following passage taken from Stephen Crane's The Red Badge of Courage in your best Purple Prose.

"The youth fell back in the procession until the tattered soldier was not in sight. Then he started to walk on with the others. But he was amid wounds. The mob of men was bleeding. Because of the tattered soldier's question he now felt that his shame could be viewed. He was continually casting sidelong glances to see if the men were contemplating the letters of guilt he felt burned into his brow. At times he regarded the wounded soldiers in an envious way. He conceived persons with torn bodies to be peculiarly happy. He wished that he, too, had a wound, a red badge of courage."

Once completed, submit your entries to this forum by hitting the Reply button.. so we can all admire it and Vote for the best!

The City of Pompeii

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I met an Artist the other day while browsing the seedy shops and local flavor of the Marina Road on the waterfront of the Bay of Naples. He introduced himself to me as Svettio. He is, like most of his kind, a pauper, working for handouts and bits of coin. Yet he is unlike the others in that I sense in him a communal flame that burns by the fire of the Muses, and like me, he is driven.

I watched him for many hours, painting at his easel like a madman. Svettio wore no shirt, and his hair and chest were flecked with the multi oil colors of his palette. For a long time he paid me no mind, yet at some point the Artist became aware of me and graced me with a bit of coy flirtation.

Later that night, when I spoke to Marius of the Artist, he tried to dispel some of my notion that the Artist is as infatuated with me, as I am of him. Marius says that all gypsies are hustlers, and that I am just an unwitting mark. It is simply that Svettio assumes because I dress in fine clothing, that I have coin to squander.

But I cannot subscribe into this theory. I admire the intelligence and insight of my Master, but I am sure on this account.. he is wrong.

I've met with Svettio several more times since that first encounter, and he has assured me on each occasion that I am far too beautiful not to be captured on canvas by his hand. The fee is so nominal -- just six sestertii.

On our last meeting he took me to his studio, which was little more than a grotto chisled into the stone support beam beneath one of the piers, and I became for him a welcomed succor wherein he emptied his lust into me between ravaging kisses.

I fear I will do anything to obtain those six measly bronze coins.
I am not a hustler's mark.

I am the possessed lover of a rising star -- Svettio the Artist.
And I believe his name shall be upon the lips of the avant garde, not only in Pompeii, but in every city within Rome's vast empire.

In every house.

And beating with passion in every breast.

Tall Tales

Best-selling novelist Stephen King was once quoted in Publisher's Weekly as saying, "Don't give them what they want -- give them what you want." By most online role playing game standards, Stephen would be labeled a God-Moder.

There seems a general consensus of late in the online role play gaming forums as to what constitutes good and worthy storytelling, where lines are drawn right down the middle. You go to Group-A if you prefer a character-based story, and Group-B if you prefer a plot-based story, where you're likely to be labeled as a God-Moder, too.

(Note: In response to thread on RPG-Directory's discussion forum thread Roleplay Talk)

Time to drag out the old college Holt Handbook and the Smartin's (pet name given to St. Martin's Guide to Writing), as well as the Guide to Writing In The Disciplines, and the latest edition of The Writer's Handbook. Folks, there is no such thing in any writer's manual that divides written stories into plot-driven stories and character-driven stories. Writing always has, and always will be divided into two classical categories from which a myriad of genres arise -- Fiction and Non-Fiction.

A fiction story must be driven by a plot AND characters. To remain interesting, it must have an amazing plot and exceptional characters. The rules have not changed in this. Nor will they.

Fiction writing that lacks any sort of plot and deals only with characters jabbering in a restaurant in one scene, then jabbering in a living room in the next scene, and a little romance tossed in for extra measure -- is not a story at all. It's a soap opera. And what you very often get online isn't even truly fiction in this type of writing element. It tends to cross over into the real thoughts and feelings of the person behind the monitor.

Don't get me wrong. I love a good true story just as much as the next guy. But even true stories and non-fiction instruction manuals endeavor to make a point by the time you reach the end. If they didn't, and they just rambled on endlessly, no one would read them. And every publisher in their right mind would be issuing the pink slip of death.

Oh but hey.. in a virtual world of pointless writing no one can ever be erroneously accused or (gasp!) guilty of God-Moding. Hmmm. Sounds like another article in the works.

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